The Problem With How We Use the Word “Grounded”
A clear look at how the word grounded can feel supportive — or subtly silencing.
When “Grounded” Really Just Means “Calm Down”
In healing and spiritual circles, the word grounded gets used a lot. Sometimes it’s helpful. Other times, it’s a subtle way of telling someone to tone it down.
You’ve probably heard:
“Just stay grounded.”
“That doesn’t feel very grounded.”
“You need to ground yourself more.”
It sounds gentle, even supportive sometimes. But depending on when and how it’s said, it can actually feel like a subtle correction. Almost like a polite way of saying:
“You’re too much right now.”
“I don’t know what to do with this.”
“You’re making me uncomfortable.”
I’ve Been on Both Sides of It
There have been times I’ve shared something real — something raw, emotional, or intuitive — and instead of being met with curiosity or care, I got told to ground myself. And believe me it did not feel like it was in a helpful way, but in a way that made me feel like I was being too intense. Like I needed to shrink it down to be taken seriously.
And I’ve been on the other side too. Someone was showing up with big energy or emotion, and my first reaction was, “They’re not grounded.” But if I’m being real, that was my own discomfort talking. Or maybe I was just too tired for a deeper conversation. Either way, in that moment I didn’t know how to be with what they were bringing.
Grounded Doesn’t Mean Calm or Quiet
A lot of people confuse grounded with looking calm or being emotionally composed. But real grounding isn’t about how you look. It’s about whether you’re present.
Here’s the thing. Being grounded doesn’t mean being silent. It doesn’t mean being emotionally tidy. And it definitely doesn’t mean toning yourself down to make other people more comfortable.
I’ve seen people cry, go still, ramble, freeze, or shake during deep work. None of those reactions automatically mean they’re ungrounded. Sometimes, that’s exactly what being in the body looks like during processing or releasing.
Grounding, at its core, is about staying connected to yourself while something big is moving through.
The Bigger Issue
In my opinion, the real problem isn’t the word grounded. It’s how it gets used when someone doesn’t have the tools to meet what’s happening in front of them.
When that happens, “You need to ground” becomes a spiritual-sounding way to say, “I can’t handle this right now.”
Let’s be clear. Grounded doesn’t mean quiet. It doesn’t mean emotionally polished. And it’s not about making yourself smaller for someone else’s comfort.
And when that message gets repeated enough, it starts to wear on your self-trust. I’ve felt it myself. You begin to question your own emotions. You wonder if what you’re feeling or expressing is too much. Over time, it messes with your ability to trust your own experience. That’s when it starts to feel like gaslighting, even if no one intended harm.
Say Something More Helpful
If someone’s moving through something intense and you want to offer support, try this instead:
“Are you feeling safe in your body right now?”
“Is there anything you need to stay with yourself?”
“Do you want help processing what just came up?”
And if you’re the one feeling thrown off, check in with yourself first:
“Am I reacting to them — or to what this is bringing up in me?”
“Can I stay present with them, even if I don’t understand it fully?”
This isn’t about banning the word grounded. It’s about being honest about why you’re saying it. Are you offering support — or just trying to make things feel easier for you?
What Being Grounded Actually Looks Like
Being grounded doesn’t mean being calm. It means being present. It means you’re still connected to yourself, even when things are messy, emotional, or hard to put into words.
And the truth is, people ground in different ways. What works for one person might not work for someone else. Sometimes it’s movement. Sometimes it’s stillness. Sometimes it’s crying, talking, breathing, or taking space. It all depends on what someone needs in that moment.
So the next time someone brings something intense to the table, maybe they don’t need to be brought “back down.”
Maybe they just need someone who won’t flinch.
Someone who can stay with them while they find their own way through it.
If this landed with you, feel free to share it with a friend or anyone who’s ever felt shut down in the name of being “grounded.”
And if you have your own ways of grounding, the ones that actually work for you, I’d love to hear them. Share them in the comments or reply directly. Everyone does this differently, and there’s no one right way.
With love, always!
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With love and alignment,
Jess 🌿
Reiki Healer, Akashic Records Guide, and Founder of Vibrational Bloom
🌀 The Bloom Collective | 🌐 vibrationalbloom.com | 📱 @vibrationalbloom
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